Progress
As far as it goes, MOTH is progressing really nicely, and I've learned so many different things!
As far as it goes, MOTH is progressing really nicely, and I've learned so many different things!
I have a revolving set of self images and attitudes towards life that I just really haven't seen anyone else experience, or at least that has spoken about them openly. I wouldn't call it bipolar in nature because I can have any of these self-orientations during any specific part of the bipolar cycle. I also wouldn't call it DID because it's just not something that severe. DID, according to people that say they have it, seems to be often caused by trauma, but it also seems completely possible without extreme trauma. But the symptoms of DID seem much more severe than what I'm talking about.
I don't bring it up much, because I think it kind of sounds a little bit psycho. I suppose you could think of it this way, that you are a dice, but depending on the situation, you're relating to the world in just a foreign way. I just call it my "moods". And that's been one of the most difficult things to talk about and to work around in relationships. That person that you really fell in love with, that we me a few weeks or months ago, but it's not me now. It's not that I was faking. That me will come back around again in a while too, and you'll love her just as much then as you did before. But it's embarassing...
I can't really say what I like with any confidence, because probably I won't even like it next week. It's impossible to really describe how "I" feel about any given thing, instead it's more about how, when I'm in this mood, that I do or don't like it. People can't relate... It gets very hard and lonely.